She shared with me how bad feelings still lingered within her toward a certain neighbor. Over the course of an argument, that neighbor had spewed unkind energies, words, and actions bordering, my friend felt, on racist. The original incident had taken place about five years earlier; to date, they still do not speak to each other.

That’s a common feature of humanity, isn’t it–we have a hostile interaction with another, and following that hostile interaction something in us closes up. We make a conscious or unconscious agreement to withhold love from that other, whether it’s an individual, a group, a time, a place. We tell our friends and family our side of the story, and they usually wind up agreeing with us. Having others agree with us, the idea that we are right and the other is an a**hole is bolstered in our minds. We seem justified in our withholding of love from, in maintaining a cold distance from, in harboring bitterness and resentment toward that other.

Thing is, this entire enterprise will sooner or later make us sick. It is a secret hiding in plain sight, like a house full of addicts deeply mired in denial. Since truth is love, and since the soul’s source is truth, in withholding love from any aspect of Life we cause a piece of our soul to be cleaved off. We lose a precious spirit light.

In withholding love from the other we withhold love from ourselves. How can fresh air enter the room if the doors and windows are shut? How can the sun’s rays enter the room if the drapes are drawn together? A person forced to dwell in such isolation: what happens to his/her vitality? Is s/he not destined to wither in a slow dying? Whether we think it is justified or not matters none. The fact is, this is what happens in our psyche. A level of our self is forced into a prison crafted by none other than another self-level. How could the result be anything other than suffering?

The good news? All of this is entirely a lifestyle option. And we have the capacity at any time to modify this lifestyle should we deem it necessary. What had been lost up until this point can eventually be found.

In short, the solution requires opening up what has been closed, in letting love circulate where it had been withheld. This does not necessarily mean we gotta be ”shiny, happy people holding hands” with those who we perceive have hurt us. What it looks like in real time cannot be rehearsed any more than a boxer can rehearse what s/he’s going to do in the ring. The crucial shift is maintaining an inner alignment; the external appearance will take care of itself. When the root is solid, the fruit is solid.

When love is allowed to circulate where it had formerly been withheld, we admit there is a wound, we heed our conscience telling us that maintaining this wounded state is incompatible with soul-level happiness, we open up the layers of the wound, we witness our own dark truth, we endure any necessary healing crises, we forgive, we let go of our resentments, we are to that degree lighter, unburdened, joyous, free, unchained, healthier in mind and body.

Points to ponder:

By understanding their actions come from a place of fear, we are more likely to open up a place of compassionate awareness.

By opening up a place of compassionate awareness, we are more likely to desist from and eventually abandon attitudes of hostility.

By desisting from and abandoning attitudes of hostility, we are more likely to forgive.

By forgiving, we decrease the conditions favoring suffering and increase the conditions favoring happiness in our lives.

By decreasing suffering and increasing happiness in our lives, to that degree we naturally and logically emit an uplifting fragrance others sense without any words being spoken.

By emitting an uplifting fragrance, we contribute to the upliftment of others.

By contributing to the upliftment of others, we perform a valuable service to humanity.

The person 6 feet tall starts from a single cell about 1 millimeter across. What starts super-small can, under the right guidance, grow into something large and beneficial for the many. Do what you can today from a place of genuineness absent any forcing. Align your being to seek and find that path of the highest good for all involved. Purify attachment to those paths which are not of the highest good for all involved. Practice going to a deeper place of inner knowing using the tools and techniques found in the timeless spiritual traditions without leaning too strongly on the ordinary waking intellect with its limited ”i”-centered worldview.